In which I start a blog

This morning I woke up shaking.  In less than two weeks I will be on a remote island filming a documentary and I hadn’t booked the flight or the camera yet.  In the creamy blueness that preceeds the dawn, I lay there swearing at myself.  The reason I stalled thus far is a financial one.  A big, scary, financial one.  For the past two years I have lived hand-to-mouth on student loan – this year, I’ve not even had that.  The amount of money I have to throw at my career, a career that I don’t even have yet, is terrifying.  It is wake-up-crying-at-4-a.m. terrifying.  The day after I get back from this endeavour I will be on a train to London for an interview for an internship at a prestigious media company, staying the night in a hostel, returning the next day and all in a pair of respectable black shoes that I have yet to buy.

Personal cost = £150 approx.

And that’s just to earn the opportunity to spend a fortnight working for them for free.

Anyway, in that peculiar way we do, I was stalling buying the ticket in case some much cheaper form of transport was invented before 30th August.  The scientists were dragging their feet, so today I would have to start booking planes.  The trouble with this is that I was doing it without knowing where I was going to have to be to get a camera.

Unfortunately a composite part of my camera had become indisposed (It’s the battery. Don’t tell anyone.)

I fumbled for my phone and tapped away at it.  An email was waiting from the Chair of my student telelvision station.  He had reservations about letting me take a camera out of the country for 20 days.  “What about if I took one of the old DVs?”  I tapped back.

Later that morning, after more fitful sleep, he replied in the affirmative.  “Look after it though, Tess.”

“Like it was my child!”

Camera: check.  And an mp3 recorder just in case.

Accommodation: check.  A hostel for a night in Cork, then three nights in a hostel called Tir Na Nog on the island.  Paid for!

Now the only problem was my lack of transportation.  Last year I arrived on the island a day late, having made no allowances for the eccentricities of the Irish transport system.  Supposing I go to York to collect the camera a few days in advance, the best part of my jounrney will be the plane from Newcastle to Dublin.  For reasons known to themselves, Ryanair don’t fly to Cork.

Return was a very reasonable £57.  Though if I was going to be taking a bag, that would be £107.  And I couldn’t be a ‘Miss’ according to their booking page, I was either married or a Ms.  Add into this the cost of the trains and the buses, you begin to see my worries.  I can’t divulge them to my parents, because they don’t see the merit in anything that’s not financially sound in the short term.  It will be worth it, won’t it?

This documentary is a free-lancer’s wet dream, I hope I don’t screw it up.

God, I hope I don’t screw it up.

As I was buying the plane tickets, the internet cut out completely and cancelled my purchase.  I began trembling again, and the dog look at me pityingly.  Jesus, what a mess.

It’s not normal to need a gin to book a holiday, is it?  Then it came to me: A blog, I thought.  A dumping ground for my neuroses.